My Explosive Diarrhea

I cannot believe I have let my precious diarrhea site go neglected for so long. How could I do this?? I am sure no one will read this, but I figured I would add an entry and try and get my site going again. Not a whole lot has happened in the past year…wait that is a lie. Well, my boyfriend broke up with me and I had to move out, I lived with my parents for 2 months (that sure was fun), I got a new job that stresses me out and gives me lots of gray hair, Mr. Bennet sprained his knee and cost me a lot of money, I had to take a second job tutoring children to make ends meet (and still not doing very well with that), and I still tend to have explosions from my rear. I just want to remind everyone that even though my site is called myexplosivediarrha with a picture of a rear end explosion of disgusting sorts, this site is for me to just share my thoughts and ideas about other things as well. Don’t be disappointed when I talk about something other than fecal matter disaster…such as how I just cooked an 8 pound ham for myself. Anyways, I live by myself now in a townhouse. I am afraid to keep my bedroom door open at night because I am frightened someone is going to try and murder me in my sleep. I have always had this fear-I’m not sure why? Not like locking my bedroom door is going to stop someone, but I guess I figure I will hear someone trying to get in and that will give me time to grab Mr. Bennet and jump through my second story window to safety and hopefully not kill myself. I went to a Christmas party last week….my friend reminded me of a poop situation that once happened to him. If you knew Chris Fong, you would laugh a lot knowing that he once had to poo so bad (he was in 2nd grade) and was afraid the teacher wouldn’t let him go to the bathroom. Apparently he could not hold his bowels anymore and he somehow maneuvered his pocket close to his butthole, and walked to the bathroom while dropping poo pebbles into his pocket. I am assuming not all of the poo pebbles made it into his pocket, so he must have left a trail behind him much like Hansel and Gretel leaving a trail of breadcrumbs as they walked through the forest. You may have noticed that the title of this entry is “Chili Cheese Dog=Dangerous”. I will leave you today with my most embarrassing diarrhea story for the year. I went out to grab lunch with a friend one afternoon…we decided to go to 5 & Diner. For some reason I was thinking that the chili cheese dog sounded delicious. I have an obsession with the chili cheese dogs from Sonic, so I was hoping it would be just as good at 5 & Diner. It was not very good. On my way home my stomach began to churn and my brow began to perspire. I knew what this meant. At this point I was squeezing my butt cheeks together hoping I wouldn’t rooster tail it on the way home. I only had about a 5 minute drive, so I was thinking I would make it home without shitting on myself. I do remember one point where I was about to pull into a parking lot or run onto the golf course, pull my pants down, explode, and run back to my car. I managed to get to my place and was having problems opening the back gate like I usually do. I got the gate open and ran to the back door. As I was practically squatting, squeezing my ass together and fumbling with the keys, my shit blew out of my asshole and into my jeans. Now I don’t know if any of you have full on shit yourself since you were a small child…especially when you are not wearing underwear. At first it was a warm sensation, and then I realized how absolutely disgusting it was. I took my pants off, sprayed the shit out of my pants using my hose, sprayed my ass/legs off, and headed upstairs to take a shower. I hope you enjoyed that story….will write more later.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 28th, 2010 at 5:17 pm and is filed under December. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.